When was I myself last?

Many a moon ago, when I felt strange about who I had become, I created this blog – I used to be myself. Little did I know of what life had in store. If I had had even a remote inkling of what was to come, I would have either not created this blog or chosen another name for it. Life has now changed so much that I have forgotten what it was earlier – the life I regretted losing when I created this blog.

Meeting Hubby, falling in love and moving to a new city introduced many changes in my lifestyle. Marriage changed a lot too. It ended my, in words of a dear friend, ‘sophisticated wildcat’ days.

Motherhood, however, is an altogether new ballgame. It is a divine feeling, but being responsible for another person is overwhelming sometimes. Add to that my life as a wife, a single parent (we are neither separated nor divorced. It is a lot less complicated than that. He is away on work) and a career woman, and you have the full picture. Well, not exactly. In less than two weeks, I have to go back to work and I still do not have full-time help. There is someone who comes in morning and leaves after eight hours, much before I would usually return. I need someone to stay with me 24 * 7 or at least until 9pm.

Until last week, I was sure that getting help was the biggest problem, but how wrong was I. I had fully discounted that Li’l Bunny is a person (not a plant that has to be watered a couple of times a day) with definite likes and dislikes. He has to like the person with whom he would spend his entire day. Also, he has to get used to that person. As luck would have it, my first two tries (yes, I have tried two full-time maids already) have failed.

As I have mentioned earlier, the thought of leaving my coughplushcough job has crossed my mind, but that is not a healthy solution. Also, this past week we bought a very nice, huge, up-market apartment. It came at a cost…all our life’s savings and ridiculously high EMIs each month for 20 years. Obviously, we also want posh interiors! We can manage with Hubby’s salary, but only if we give up all nice things in life (and dinner every Wednesday). Therefore, I must go back and leave our Li’l Bunny with…?

As a young child, I firmly believed that nothing in life could be more dreadful than having to prepare for and take quarterly, half-yearly and annual examinations and the results thereof, and wondered why Ma and Papa sometimes spent hours discussing things in slow, worried whispers. I mean, they did not have any exams to take. Alright, no annual vacations, but no exams!

* I just proof-read this piece and realised how unconnected the last para was to the opening para…a striking proof of the dishevelled state of my mind. Wish I could just take an exam. I’m not even looking for any holidays. I have to go to office. Ah.