I get to meet the crème de la crème of the retard world at work every day

It is Friday evening. I have finished ‘editing’ a very dull, long piece of equity research with my hands tied, ie no changed unless absolutely necessary. I look at the clock and the hour hand is close to seven. I save the document, email a copy and shut down. I pick up my bag and am half way across the floor when someone calls after me.

Someone: Now-self (of course, they call me by my official name, but you’re not getting that here), got a minute?

Me: Yes, what is it?

Someone: Are you leaving for the day?

Me (looking at my bag, proudly hanging by my shoulder): Umm, yeah.

Someone: I had a one-pager for you to edit and was wondering if you would be able to do it today.*

Me (abusing in my head): Sure, but I have shut down my computer. Can I use yours?

Someone: Yeah, that’ll be alright.

Me: So, where’s the piece?

Someone: Actually, I haven’t written it yet, but was wondering if you’d hang out in the office until I’m done.

!!!???

* When this guys says a one-pager, he usually means a five-pager in Greek, written in English script. If you all must know, his three-pager finally arrived in my inbox at 12.23pm on Monday and this guy came over at 12.35 asking if I was done!