Random thoughts

• I wish I were not a strong-willed, self-reliant woman. Then, no one would have expected this much from me. In fact, some might have even offered to help.
• I love you, but cannot understand why you're subjecting me to the stress of bringing up our [OUR, not just my] child alone
• Baby, why are you pushing me against the wall?

When was I myself last?

Many a moon ago, when I felt strange about who I had become, I created this blog – I used to be myself. Little did I know of what life had in store. If I had had even a remote inkling of what was to come, I would have either not created this blog or chosen another name for it. Life has now changed so much that I have forgotten what it was earlier – the life I regretted losing when I created this blog.

Meeting Hubby, falling in love and moving to a new city introduced many changes in my lifestyle. Marriage changed a lot too. It ended my, in words of a dear friend, ‘sophisticated wildcat’ days.

Motherhood, however, is an altogether new ballgame. It is a divine feeling, but being responsible for another person is overwhelming sometimes. Add to that my life as a wife, a single parent (we are neither separated nor divorced. It is a lot less complicated than that. He is away on work) and a career woman, and you have the full picture. Well, not exactly. In less than two weeks, I have to go back to work and I still do not have full-time help. There is someone who comes in morning and leaves after eight hours, much before I would usually return. I need someone to stay with me 24 * 7 or at least until 9pm.

Until last week, I was sure that getting help was the biggest problem, but how wrong was I. I had fully discounted that Li’l Bunny is a person (not a plant that has to be watered a couple of times a day) with definite likes and dislikes. He has to like the person with whom he would spend his entire day. Also, he has to get used to that person. As luck would have it, my first two tries (yes, I have tried two full-time maids already) have failed.

As I have mentioned earlier, the thought of leaving my coughplushcough job has crossed my mind, but that is not a healthy solution. Also, this past week we bought a very nice, huge, up-market apartment. It came at a cost…all our life’s savings and ridiculously high EMIs each month for 20 years. Obviously, we also want posh interiors! We can manage with Hubby’s salary, but only if we give up all nice things in life (and dinner every Wednesday). Therefore, I must go back and leave our Li’l Bunny with…?

As a young child, I firmly believed that nothing in life could be more dreadful than having to prepare for and take quarterly, half-yearly and annual examinations and the results thereof, and wondered why Ma and Papa sometimes spent hours discussing things in slow, worried whispers. I mean, they did not have any exams to take. Alright, no annual vacations, but no exams!

* I just proof-read this piece and realised how unconnected the last para was to the opening para…a striking proof of the dishevelled state of my mind. Wish I could just take an exam. I’m not even looking for any holidays. I have to go to office. Ah.

Bébé, bambino or just baby

I've been away for the longest while.

I'm now a brand new mommy with a brand new baby, who likes to sleep in his rocking basket (Thanks, Menakshi and Mudit) and giggles when he sees the Mickey Mouse cut-out we picked up from a roadside shack in Delhi. He hates to be put in a pram or a baby carrier.

Saumil* was born on 19 May 2009, and Hubby and I are delighted to have him in our life. He has always slept through the night, doesn’t throw tantrums while being fed and enjoys conversations, even if he doesn’t understand a word of it.

Parenthood is the best thing that has happened to me (Hubby is a close second). It is rewarding in ways that cannot be explained. I plan to return to work in a few weeks' time, and my heart explodes at the thought of leaving my li'l bunny at home with the caretaker. The thought of taking a sabbatical has crossed my mind a couple of times, but I'm not up to it. I'd like Somi to be indpendent. In any case, I'll be a nutcase if I stay at home for more than a few months.

When I was young(er), I used to get bored of people who'd talk about their kids forever, stopping only to have water. Therefore, we're off this topic for now, unless you want it otherwise!

* We didn’t want to have an unusual name, but here we are. Just like our honeymoon. I didn’t want a destination where every second girl would flash chuda. We went to Manali (duh!) and every second girl did flash chuda!

Thus spake the one who is still unborn

I had to get a few blood tests done last Saturday. It was around 7.30pm and we were sitting in a huge, but empty waiting hall, waiting for the reports. At one point, we heard the chuckle of an infant and Hubby jumped, "Did you hear that? The baby made a sound." I turned to look at him. He was sitting with his finger pointing to my 28-week pregnant belly and a look on his face that can only be described as a mix of amazement, surprise, happiness and similar emotions.

"Yeah, but not our baby" was all I could manage to say before breaking into fits of uncontrollable laughter. Hubby didn't react. 

A few seconds later, two toddlers sauntered into the hall, all happy and playful. 

I cannot even begin to tell how cute Hubby looked then. Meet the guy who, as per my mother, will most definitely be a Dad, not just a father.

I went home and allowed Ma to pamper me

Trips to Ma's place (and by necessary implication, Delhi) have always been fun, except this time, when I was too tired and pregnant to enjoy myself or offer an enjoyable company. However, I did enjoy a brief dinner encounter with the neighourhood aunties and Bhabhis, who wasted no time in sharing their experiences and telling me what to do, not do, eat, not eat etc. That was the only time since we got pregnant that I enjoyed being pregnant, and although I was feeling tired and sick, I quite enjoyed the experience. Maybe because this may never happen again to me as we stay in Bangalore, with only two (currently childless) couples for company.

My three-week break from being a career woman and a wife was spent mostly eating and sleeping and feeling sick and crying and watching live coverage of the attacks on Mumbai and feeling sad and angry, but I was happy (those who've been here, done that know what I'm talking about).

I've never been the sentimental types, but I felt so guilty about leaving Ma that I cried my heart out at the airport and continued till I reached Bangalore, where I was very unceremoniously greeted by a bout of influenza (or common cold. Choose whichever you prefer. It makes no difference). This indeed was the last time I visited Ma 'alone'. The next time (and thereafter) I'll carry my 'bundle of joy' with me. I miss Ma.

I'm back in Bangalore and feel miserable and have become quiet (which is of much concern to Hubby because I have gone Q U I E T).

Sorry people, I cannot think of anything more interesting than mundane pregnancy talk as that's the only thing happening in my life. Rest all has taken a backseat.

We have started looking for names, and have finalised one, should a baby girl make her debut. If you have a nice name for a boy, please write in. Nice, BTW, does not mean names like Hritik and Hrohan (yuck) and also does not include names with any, however remote, religious connotation.

It was my Happy B'day day

Yours truly is now 31.

The night of 8/9 November was spent partying and playing cards and the day (birth-DAY) was spent recovering (pregnancy changes more things than non-pregnant people can imagine), sleeping, missing all phone calls etc, and feeling irritated and groggy for no reason (thank you pregnancy harmones). Thus was celebrted my most non-happening and boring b'day.

Spoke only to Ma, Li’l and elder, and was made to speak to mother-in-law. Humph.

A funny thing from the past just popped up in my memory

We had been married just a few weeks, and spent most of our time, well, setting up the house, getting to know more of each other, checking out furniture in every store in town etc. Soon after the house was all set up and nice and sexy, we had a free weekend. Hubby went to work for a few hours and I decided to clean the house, cook and have a bath (much against my no-bath-on-weekends principle).

Just as I was done with the work, Hubby arrived with a bunch of lovely gerberas, which he gave to me, along with a sexy kiss and a hug.

I asked, waiving my arm across the super clean, shiny living room, “Notice something?”

Hubby, “Got a haircut?”

Men!